It is sharing time!

Every once in a while a story comes across my desk that brings a tear to my eye....this is not it.

Nay, this story is touching, if only in it's own special way. A story of a band with a dream, a marketing dream. A plan to spread the ickyness across the land. A band following in the footsteps of the mighty Spinal Tap except, you know, in real life and all.

The band? Why the mighty

Gwar!

Kavitha Chekuru reports:

GWAR has found a new way of waking the maggot which will set them free from their imprisonment on our disgusting planet Earth: action figures. Oh yes, action figures. I mean, if My Chemical Romance, Ghostface, and the Coctails already have ‘em, what's taken GWAR so frickin long?

The company Shocker Toys has announced that they have acquired the rights to make cute little dollys out of the gross-out metal band. The set will include tiny versions of members Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmak Da Gusha, and Balsac the Jaws of Death. Perfect for your seven-year-old nephew or niece.

Set for release this summer in specialty stores and mass retailers, the company will make the action figures in their signature Shockini form: little blocks with sturdy joints and a lot of movement; 18 points of articulation to be exact, so the figurines got moves like you wouldn't believe. We wouldn't expect anything less from GWAR, honestly.

The toys will be available as six-to-eight-inch fully sculpted figures of the band as well as shrunk down, three-inch versions. And at $15 a pop, they offer much more bang for your buck than those $65 Glenn Danzig jobs from Medicom toys. C'mon, cheap dolls of interplanetary warriors or expensive yelling tiny man? No contest.

The GWAR dolls will come with "murderous accessories" and a GWAR comic book. You have nothing to lose in this buy. Except your life. Because obviously these toys will come alive, rock your head off, and then eat the rest of you.

And at the "Official Cyber-Fortress of Your Lords and Masters" (no, you don't want to click on that link) we can follow the thoughts of these brash musical leaders who spawned from a lugubrious pit of doomy-doom. After 20 years of being at GWAR they should have lots of thoughts to share - lets look at their band blogs.

Ah, here is a gem (for fun, read this in Invader Zim's voice - or if you don't know who Zim is (FOR SHAME!) shoot for reading it in Foamy the Squirrel's voice):

Regardless of how much utter contempt I have for you pukes, the majority of GWAR has spoken and behold (as petty as it may be) the overdue Cyber-Fortress of your Lords and Masters ! !
Feast on the limitless knowledge that your puny, under developed mind craves...and feel free to ask what you will, you just may warrant a reply, but probably not so don't hold your breath !
Oh wait, where was I...ah yes, I HATE YOU ALL ! !

Wasn't that a treat, boys and girls.

I actually have the dubious honor of being able to say that I have experienced the dark, loud, bizarre theatrical experience that is GWAR. I have no plans to ever do that again, once was enough. Really. But still I can say that indeed (cue patriotic music) I have been there and I have done that.